Society and me

I have always hated how I believe people I trust because 85% of the time, they do not mean what they said. And when they do that, I begin to wonder, why give me false hope? Why did I trust you and believe you? Why am I so pathetic? Why, why, why?

I know we are humans and humans are not perfect. We tend to not get along with some people and of course, we judge others and perceive them negatively. I am no different either. It is definitely an excuse if I say that it is okay to do so. It is but not always because it is in our human nature? Just gotta keep trying. Keep trying not to talk bad about others.

I must admit, ignorance is bliss. Ignore what others are doing, how they are acting fake or bullshitting me. But what do you really want? Sugarcoated lies or the bitter truth?

Honestly, ignoring it is a lot harder than you think it is. It's like, it is right in front of you, in your face and you can't help but notice it. Worse is being able to see it and sense it. Like it or not, truth comes crushing your smile and break you any time it likes. Someone telling you, finding it yourself by chance... it can happen anywhere.

When it doesn't come to you and you really want to know, you can't help but assume so as to satisfy the purpose of finding out something. Pathetic, isn't it?

And all these are basically what the caption in the picture means. I can totally agree on it but yet, I am always talking to people. I can't stop. Feelings will just keep coming like a cycle and I have to keeping feeling like shit. All the time, I wonder why I have to feel such unpleasant feelings when I don't want to.

But for sure, I know I love to spend time alone. I feel totally myself although a little cowardly when it comes to having peers with me hahaha. I've tried shopping alone and it was awesome, felt so good and I could do what I wanted without worrying. I have yet to try watching movies alone, though.

There are also times whereby I look into the sky and feel at ease, as if the feeling of being alone is awesome. Without care and worries, it just feels like heaven. I could breathe. I felt so calm and warm. From time to time, I wonder if I will be able to find a quiet place to live in. Stress-free, calm and peaceful. Mhm, sounds good.

But, will I be able to achieve my dream of peace? Who knows.