You shouldn't be with someone because you have everything in common with that person. You should be with someone because you two are able to tolerate each other's differences. Having everything in common is for best friends. Opening each other's minds to new worlds is love.

Unexplainable

Lost it all

I want it and I go for it. 

I get it but I lose grip of it. 

I lose control, I lose my mind 

and there it goes, free from me. 

Because it got hurt instead of me.

And yet, the amount of apologies

can never be enough

 to bring back the past.

Deep inside

This is the a picture, a picture that basically speaks how I feel. Tbh, I don't know why it is this way. I just feel so calm, as if the world stopped, whenever I looked at the sky. It just feels like I am flying. It just makes me feel as if I am free, as if I am free of shits life give. This also reminds me of my printmaking art piece that resembles this situation - envying the birds for being so carefree, flying in the sky.

And here we are, living the fast-paced life, stressing over work and chatting with friends. But sometimes, I just want to stop and completely freeze time. Do nothing but take a look at Earth. To feel as if everything was lifted off me. I feel as if I am transported from the city to my own world, even if it was only for a minute because why not?

Society and me

I have always hated how I believe people I trust because 85% of the time, they do not mean what they said. And when they do that, I begin to wonder, why give me false hope? Why did I trust you and believe you? Why am I so pathetic? Why, why, why?

I know we are humans and humans are not perfect. We tend to not get along with some people and of course, we judge others and perceive them negatively. I am no different either. It is definitely an excuse if I say that it is okay to do so. It is but not always because it is in our human nature? Just gotta keep trying. Keep trying not to talk bad about others.

I must admit, ignorance is bliss. Ignore what others are doing, how they are acting fake or bullshitting me. But what do you really want? Sugarcoated lies or the bitter truth?

Honestly, ignoring it is a lot harder than you think it is. It's like, it is right in front of you, in your face and you can't help but notice it. Worse is being able to see it and sense it. Like it or not, truth comes crushing your smile and break you any time it likes. Someone telling you, finding it yourself by chance... it can happen anywhere.

When it doesn't come to you and you really want to know, you can't help but assume so as to satisfy the purpose of finding out something. Pathetic, isn't it?

And all these are basically what the caption in the picture means. I can totally agree on it but yet, I am always talking to people. I can't stop. Feelings will just keep coming like a cycle and I have to keeping feeling like shit. All the time, I wonder why I have to feel such unpleasant feelings when I don't want to.

But for sure, I know I love to spend time alone. I feel totally myself although a little cowardly when it comes to having peers with me hahaha. I've tried shopping alone and it was awesome, felt so good and I could do what I wanted without worrying. I have yet to try watching movies alone, though.

There are also times whereby I look into the sky and feel at ease, as if the feeling of being alone is awesome. Without care and worries, it just feels like heaven. I could breathe. I felt so calm and warm. From time to time, I wonder if I will be able to find a quiet place to live in. Stress-free, calm and peaceful. Mhm, sounds good.

But, will I be able to achieve my dream of peace? Who knows.

the value of friendship

I'm not a very good starter on blogging but today, I would like to talk about friendship. Something has happened to my friend and I and we made up today I think? Haha. I have known her for 4 years although we haven't seen each other once irl (in real life). She is an old friend of mine, someone whom I'd met on an online rpg game. Not on PC but iPhone/Andriod/whatever. We have fought several times. I know, we may not be able to get along sometimes. 

I sort of found a problem with her and didn't speak to her for days. I knew she would find it weird but knowing her, she'd definitely figure it out either way or another. After some time away from here, I had been reflecting and thinking about what I should do. Should I just leave it as it is? An abrupt end to our four years of friendship? I must admit, I felt that I had to clear things up with her and stop the tension. After all, it was me who started it and anyway, I'd wanted to speak to her about it. I finally did after some time. I know it's an excuse if I said I'd been busy with school so I delayed it but no, really, I really am very, very tired from school. Oh god, the modules are intense and my brain was practically drained. 

Anyway, before I go out of point, I will not go into the details of what happened but yeah, I am really glad that I made up with her even though I know we don't get along well sometimes. Either way, we are good friends after all. Right now, she is going through a difficult time, just like me. Except that I am sort of getting better and almost out of it. I don't know if she got the message that I'm there for her cuz I sort of left her alone battling her struggles. I did not go back to her cuz I felt bad for her, though. Just saying. I guess this friendship was worth fighting for. :-)

Psychology test: Introvert or Extrovert?

You are more of an introvert

You feel that living alone is to live happily, and you prefer hiding in a crowd rather than standing out in one. You are perpetually tormented by the idea of doing things wrong, not understanding or not being alert enough or intelligent enough to do what others expect of you. You lack in self-confidence and you seem to believe that others are better than you. While in a conversation, for example, you would be more likely to go along with the other’s points of view as you don’t fully respect your own opinions. Where there’s a low level task to complete or a service to be allotted, it’s you who volunteers. When people want to get out of a task, they naturally come to you as they know that you never say ‘no’. It’s not surprising that you sometimes have the impression of being permanently exploited, but you don’t really know how to break this vicious circle. On the rare occasions that you’ve tried to do so, this uncharacteristic defiance has caused uproar and you’ve ended up backing down. You are afraid of contact with others as you imagine that they are constantly judging you and that their probing looks will obviously find your faults. So, you try to remain the most transparent and discreet possible. How far will you take this logic of self-denigration? Try and stop projecting onto others the bad image you have about yourself. Have a good look around you and you’ll see that they too have faults, weaknesses and shortcomings, so stop finding excuses for everything. Maybe you were brought up in an atmosphere of ‘You’ll never make the grade’ as a child — a poison that you need progressively to get out of your system. Learn to look after your own interests — everyone else does, so why not you? You too have desires, dreams and opinions — express them. If you think that by saying no or thinking differently from others that you will no longer be loved, it just isn’t so. Others will learn to respect you because you respect yourself.

-

I have noticed that my recent posts are all about myself, the sides of me which I didn't know I was. Perhaps, this so-called darkest period which I call is a journey in search of myself. I am glad that I am finally searching for myself and getting to know myself better. Although the journey is tough, I am trying my best to hang in there. I still suck at handling people, though. In this journey, I hope to know more about myself and see how I should improve and etc. It sounds pretty cliche or something but owell, it's me.

Clearly, me.

Misfit

Basically, an individual. In the school social classes of today, a misfit doesn't fit into any one quite right, not even the outcasts, but may have qualities of each one. True misfits usually do not believe they are emo or goth, and they are usually introverts. Misfits tend to follow their own beliefs, and are usually persecuted for it. Misfits tend to be hated for no reason, have few good friends, and are usually intelligent and mature, and sometimes sort of insane and depressed. Misfits tend not to care about their bad social lives, but some do.

source: urban dictionary

Truly, me.

"Smart girls are the over-thinkers, the insecure ones, the different ones. They know what the real world is like. They analyze every little thing in life. Why? To avoid getting hurt. To find happiness. They stay up at night trying to think about every possible situation to get through all the problems. They think too much. They trust less people. Their insecurity proves their respect towards themselves. Of course they try to live away from a drama-filled life. Smart girls know their worth, now that’s the ones worth keeping by your side." - Drake